Everyone who knows me knows how I like to spend my time when I am free of the hassling responsibilities of life; when I am not watching my Buffalo Sabres kick continental ass; when I am not listening to the gloriously mystifying melodies of Ben Folds or (on a much different level) Charlotte Church… I like to write.
In fact, many people who have the time to humour me will attest to this fact. They often come to me, asking, “Dylan, you are a very good writer, but why do you do it? Do you have so much time on your hands? Are you so introverted that rather than come out drinking with us on Friday night, you would prefer to lock yourself in your room with music played at such a level that you pound it down the throats of your neighbours, while you poke furiously at your keyboard? Do you have so much to write about? Are you just using writing as an excuse to lock yourself in your room so you can masturbate in privacy?”
Such questions remind me of something I heard in a movie a while back – Orange County, in fact. While young Shaun Brumder is pursuing his dreams of someday becoming a writer, his father becomes confused, and exclaims, “A writer? What do you have to write about? You’re not oppressed. You’re not gay.”
No, we writers are not all oppressed or gay – and to be sure to clarify I am neither of those either (sorry boys). And to be honest, I really don’t have all that much to write myself. Certainly I have thoughts and ideas that I would like people to hear about, that people should hear about – my thoughts are just that enlightened – but I don’t like talking.
Talking, in my opinion, is the downfall of society. It enables gossipers and drama queens to run rampant rumours throughout schools, businesses, towns, and likely, thanks to globalization – the world. Talk isn’t credible – it’s quite literally hear say. This isn’t a new theory. I’m not alone here. Even the legendary hip hop group Run DMC know that people “Talk Too Much”:
You talk about people, you don't even know
And you talk about places, you NEVER go
You talk about your girl, from head to toe
I said your mouth's moving fast, and your brain's moving slow
Even Fred Durst has thoughtfully pondered over the fact that people often use their mouths to “write cheques that their asses can’t cash.”
Another reason I choose not to voice my opinions verbally is the simple fact that I am no good at it. No one cares to hear what some stuttering idiot has to say about life, nor can many people sit through a conversation without finding it completely necessary to correct someone’s verbal slip ups, and ignore the point of the conversation entirely. Or maybe I am just self conscious of the fact I can’t string together entire sentences without making an ass of myself.
But however you look at it, writing is the ultimate solution for these goofs. You can write whatever you are thinking, iron it out into readable statements, and check it out – no st-st-stutters or word juggling! Now all I have to do is make sure I don’t spell something wrong…
And here’s the other reason I like to write, and why it is so much better than talking. Through writing, I have the ability to say anything I want, anyway I want. For instance, if I had told you about my concerns involving unethical, low-quality conversation that plagues today’s youth through verbal conversation, or – God forbid – an academic essay, you would have thought to yourself, “Oh good, here’s another ideological prep who’s got his pants pulled up so high he’s binding his crotch… I wonder if this shirt makes me look fat.” But I throw in some reference to rap and teenage grudge rock, sprinkle in a little sarcastic rhetoric and shazam! your interest is caught, and before you know it, you have unwittingly sat through an editorial on the destructiveness of idle chatter, and why it is I write.
Congratulations.
